Poems You Won’t Learn At School

This is a second book of poetry aimed at the younger reader, although I think it should be safe for adults to read under the supervision of a responsible child!

As with my previous book, Poems Your Parents Won’t Like, each poem has a brilliant illustration. Although the themes Tend to be the same mixture of farts, bogies and strange animal habits, the poems are all new.

Also included are the QR Codes for links to my Soundcloud page where you can listen to some of the poems from this book and from Poems Your Parents Won’t Like.

Here is a poem from the book:

Colin The Alergic Bee

• Colin is the strangest of bees,
• He’s afflicted by weird allergies,
• So when he settles
• On any petals
• He’ll cough, and he’ll wheeze and he’ll sneeze.

• For him spring and summer are hell,
• Can’t stand the sweet, flowery smell,
• With one sniff of flowers,
• He’ll be sneezing for hours,
• His eyes and his whole face will swell.

• When he flies round pollen filled skies,
• Tears stream from puffed up, bloodshot eyes,
• So he goes out no more,
• ‘Cus his eyes get so sore,
• And he can’t blow his nose as he flies.

• The other bees all give him abuse
• ‘Cus now he will use the excuse,
• “My nose is so runny,
• I cannot make honey.”
• They all say, “As a bee you’re no use!”

• So the bee with the flower allergy.
• Found life a complete misery,
• While others fetched pollen,
• Alone would sit Colin.
• How sad could a honeybee be?

• Then one day a gang of wasps came,
• To steal honey, yes that was their aim,
• Colin guarded the hive,
• One bee against five,
• Determined to thwart their little game.

• Though he knew that the odds were unfair
• He fixed them with a puffy-eyed stare,
• Then said, with a sneeze,
• “I’ve a dreadful disease,
• Though you prob’ly won’t catch it from there.

• They screamed when he stood in the light,
• His face such a terrible sight,
• They said with a buzz,
• “Don’t give it to us!”
• Then turned tail and flew off in fright.

• Now Colin’s a hero amongst bees,
• They all say when they hear him sneeze,
• “His face may look funny,
• But he saved our honey,”
• They agree, Colin is the bees’ knees.